You hear through the grapevine that apparently you've got a reputation for something that is negative, something you do not deserve.
It's lunchtime, and as you make your way toward a table of people to sit down, they stop talking. Or suddenly become overtly friendly in an almost fake, solicitous way. Or maybe they just ignore you.
You're called an offensive name, just because you are who you are. Just because you have breath in your lungs. No other apparent reason. Unless, of course, you're deemed "different".
Someone purposely excludes you from a group activity that you normally are a part of. Others who are part of the group, the group you've been associated with before, then act uncomfortably around you. A schism has been created which you are unable to remedy.
Someone makes a snappy, rude, hurtful comment on a post you made on a social media network, berating you, just because they can; you're not face-to-face so they feel "safe" in doing so.
You're physically harmed: pushed, shoved, hit. You've done nothing to provoke this, other than being who you are.
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| Remember "mean Buddy Hinton" on "The Brady Bunch"? The one who bullied Cindy? |
Any of this move you? Resonate with you, deep in your heart, your soul? Chances are, it does. Because whether it's subtle or in-your-face, whether it's physical or psychological, bullying takes on many forms, many faces. It's the kid who steals your lunch money. But it's also the co-worker who spreads lies. Or the classmate who uses some "social engineering" to steer people away from being your friend by making being with him or her vastly more exciting.
We often equate the term "bully" with the image of the tough kid who knocks the glasses off the nerdy kid and pushes him down the stairs. But the sad fact is, bullying is not exclusive to childhood. It can continue throughout adulthood, and it can take on many sneaky forms. I can testify to this fact, having encountered more "mean girls" in my middle age than I did in grade school (although the girl who bullied me throughout grades 2 through 7 was quite a piece of work, essentially employing all the examples of bullying I added at the beginning of this post, almost daily, over a five-year period).
So, after pondering bullying for most of my life, I've come to some realizations:
1. Bullies bully because they are living in fear of something.
2. Bullies often wield their wrath on someone they perceive as weaker in order to feel in control of their lives, lives that are lacking control in some way.
3. Bullies may be acting from a place of self-preservation, the "reptilian" or "fight or flight" part of the brain. They may feel threatened by you, by something in you that others perceive as beautiful, good, or desirable. They then wish to steal that energy you are giving off, or vanquish it. Yes, they may be jealous of you and will do what they can to take something, anything, away from you.
These are all pretty important things to keep in mind, especially if you're on the receiving end of bullying. Your mantra must be, from the moment of the first brush with a bully:
"This is not about me. It's about the bully and some sort of fear they are dealing with." Dear ones, this is not your fault. Dear ones, you are not to blame. And dear ones (and this is the hardest thing to remember),
the bully needs your love and understanding.
I know. Trust me, I know this is absolutely impossible in many circumstances. And it might not be the best idea to plant a kiss on the bully or give them a hug and say, "I know you're hurting inside and that's why you're acting in an unloving fashion". It may take time. It may stay inside your heart. You may never have a kind exchange of words with the bully. But perhaps you'll pray for their heart to be made whole, their spirit to feel love and not fear.
But how to arm yourself against the energy? Ah, yes. That is what this blog post is all about, isn't it?
Here are some practical suggestions for guarding yourself against the lower energies a bully can dish out, or, if you're already in the throes of the bully, then these can aid you in feeling stronger overall. These are not the "be all, end all", but they're a good jumping-off point. And, at the very least, they might be the balm your soul needs:
1. Ground your energy: There are plenty of ways to do this: walking in nature and feeling the strength of your legs, your feet, as you connect with the earth; consuming healthful, nourishing foods and while you're doing so, giving thanks for its wholesome, comforting properties; sitting quietly with your feet planted on the ground and imagining your feet actually connecting to the earth, sprouting roots that reach deep down, letting you feel rooted and strong.
2. Protect your energy: Negative emotions can wreak havoc on your aura, muddying it. Negative people can actually attach their energies to yours and weigh you down. My favorite way to protect my energy is to sit quietly, close my eyes, and imagine a white, golden light streaming down from Heaven, surrounding my entire body. It's made of God energy; I'm in God's hands and I fear no evil (or fear from anyone who is full of fear), knowing I'm safe and secure. Some other rituals you might wish to try would include invoking Archangel Michael to be by your side, protecting you from negativity (yes, he's one of the "big deal" angels, a heavy-hitter, but don't think for one moment that he doesn't have enough time/energy/power to spend with you). When working with Michael, I almost always see a light blue light, either directly or indirectly. I feel a rush of air, even in rooms with no open windows or vents. In addition to the invocation, you might like to keep a St. Michael prayer card with you, or perhaps purchase a small St. Michael medal. Structures like these can help you bolster your inner strength.
3. Clear and clean your energy: Taking a shower while mentally stating the intention of cleansing your aura can be very powerful. You can also use bunches of sage or sweet grass for clearing; simply light it (in a well-ventilated place, of course! And use something fire proof to hold it in, fer cry eye!) and, while holding it, waft the smoke around your body, infusing your aura with that golden-white Universal energy, asking God to help you clear and settle. If you're nervous about lighting things (like yourself) on fire, you can also use essential oils (lavender and basil and rosemary are particularly nice for this purpose) to accomplish the same thing; simply apply the oils to your heart chakra, breathing in the aroma, and putting forth the intention of clearing and energizing. Sound also works miracles in clearing energy: sound is very personal, so put on some music, or nature sounds that appeal to you, that evoke a sense of clearing, and, again, ask that their energies cleanse you.
4. Meditate and/or pray for peace: Again, this is so very personal for each of us. As it says in the Bible, we are to pray for our persecutors. But we can also pray for peace, being grateful for the peace and love that IS ours, focusing on bringing more of it into our lives. We can meditate, using the word "peace" as our mantra. Visualize a future where the person who has been bullying you is happy, at peace, and acting in a loving manner toward you, a manner which you are reciprocating. Place an image of something or someone that says "peace" to you and meditate on the energy it gives off. this could be a drawing of Jesus, an artistic rendering of Buddha, a photo of Gandhi. It might be a tarot card (the ones that come to mind are the Sun, Temperance, and the High Priestess).
5. Perform a banishing ritual: This works nicely during a waning moon. Here's one that really spoke to me (but before doing so, remember to take part in this only for the greater good, with God energy at your side.
You must never wish any harm toward those bullying you.): photocopy a picture of either of the following tarot cards - the 3 of Swords or the 5 of Swords (I'm giving a thumbnail of the ritual here, but essentially you're letting the image embody the sense of fear regarding the bullying you've been dealt with). Put together a burning bowl (or use your fireplace, or an outdoor fire pit - which ever works for you), and place the image in the flames while saying something like, "I banish this fear from my life and pray for only good to come to myself and others from this life lesson. Amen. Blessed Be." As you watch the smoke billow up from the burning piece of paper, allow yourself to feel free from the bonds of the oppressor, the fear, the darkness. You may wish to follow up with one of the clearing rituals I mentioned earlier.
My wish for you is to find the peace that is your birthright. Feel free to contact me with any thoughts you might have on the topic of bullying. We all need to stay strong for each other in this world, a place where the energies of love and fear often seem to battle. Remember dear ones: love always wins out.
"Be the change that you wish to see in the world" - Mahatma Gandhi
As a tarot reader or enthusiast, you know how it can be. You want to take your cards out and about, treat them to a trip to the library, let them ride the train, do an impromptu reading for yourself at the local coffee shop where they can smell the roasty aromas. However, unless you happen to have the fortune to live in Salem, Massachusetts (or another town that's equally open-minded), your divinatory practice can elicit some "interesting" reactions. I've had people ask if I'm a paid reader for whichever place I'm at. I've had store owners ask me what I'm doing in hushed, suspicious tones. I've had people take their children by the hand and leave. I've had head shakes, stares, frightened stares, blanched-white stares. To be fair, I have a few friendly, truly curious folk ask me about my practice. But the usual reaction to my simply taking out a tarot deck and giving myself a quick three-card reading can be summed up by this phrase: "We don't like your kind 'round here..."
