"Bewitched"'s Serena: "she's something else". And isn't that grand?

When my Dad thought someone  was strong, sassy, confusing, a pain in the ass, or just simply willful as all get out, he'd say, :Woowee - they're something else."

Which would often elicit my response: "Something WHAT?"

And then he'd say, "Oh, you know."

"Huh". Then I'd sit in silence for a while, and thank my stars I wasn't "something else".

Looking back on it now, after a lot of soul searching, after losing my Dad, my Mom, various livelihoods, dealing with health setbacks - in essence, living a life, I'm leaning toward a different perspective on "something else". Rather than someone who is a big bag of irritating personality traits, I'm more keen on thinking that someone who is something else is quite the tower of uncompromising strength, verve, and inner power.

Which made me think of Serena from "Bewitched". Now, that girl was certainly something else: self-possessed, quirky, strong - and not just a little bit groovy She seamlessly swept between continents, eras, and worlds. She popped up at often inconvenient times. She pulled many an irritating stunt - but so often her spells, her shenanigans, came from a place of contempt for complying with the mediocre, the commonplace, the "usual". She shook things up. She unabashedly flirted with Darrin's boss, wore micro mini skirts at inappropriate times, read her niece stories which caused all kinds of tomfoolery. In short, she carved her very own world, caring squat for what others thought. But, at the same time, she had at her core, a deep caring for her cousin Samantha, which she most certainly did not wear on her Pucci-designed sleeve, but kept quiet inside, only peeping out when absolutely needed.

So, after some reflection, I'm looking to be "something else", too. To stand for what I feel is right, even if the standard conceptions veer from it. To make intentions clear, to take bold steps.

If you're at the precipice of taking some big leaps professionally, as I am, may you fully embrace that something else inside. For it acts like strong wings, carrying you between the mundane and the brilliant, past the Cosmos Cotillion, and riding along side Serena, dressed in a catsuit, astride her motorcycle, ready to take on the stars ...

This is the Day of the Expanding Man"

"This is the day of the expanding man"

Ever use Pandora like a tarot deck?  Just pop it on and see what comes up, with the intention that whatever song DOES come up has a message for you? You can do it with the radio, too, or your shuffle, but I chose Pandora since I'm here at my laptop working away on my website.  So up pops this, one of my most favorite songs from one of my most favorite bands. And it was THE perfect song for me at this juncture in my life:

Deacon Blues: - Steeley Dan

This is the day of the expanding man
That shape is my shade, there where I used to stand
It seems like only yesterday I gazed through the glass
At ramblers, wild gamblers
That's all in the past

You call me a fool, you say it's a crazy scheme
This one's for real, I already bought the dream
So useless to ask me why, throw a kiss and say goodbye
I'll make it this time
I'm ready to cross that fine line

Learn to work the saxophone
 I play just what I feel
Drink Scotch whisky all night long
And die behind the wheel
They got a name for the winners in the world
 I want a name when I lose
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide
Call me Deacon Blues

My back to the wall, a victim of laughing chance
This is, for me, the essence of true romance
Sharing the things we know and love with those of my kind
Libations, sensations
That stagger the mind

I crawl like a viper through these suburban streets
Make love to these women, languid and bittersweet
I'll rise when the sun goes down, cover every game in town
A world of my own
I'll make it my home sweet home

Learn to work the saxophone
I play just what I feel
Drink Scotch whisky all night long
And die behind the wheel
They got a name for the winners in the world
I want a name when I lose
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide
Call me Deacon Blues

This is the night of the expanding man
I take one last drag as I approach the stand
I cried when I wrote this song, sue me if I play too long
This brother is free
I'll be what I want to be

I'll learn to work the saxophone
I play just what I feel
Drink Scotch whisky all night long
And die behind the wheel
They got a name for the winners in the world
I want a name when I lose
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide
Call me Deacon Blues

Okay, firsties - no, I'm not planning on drowning my sorrows in a bottle of Jack Daniels and go joyriding, so don't go calling my hubby in a state of alarm and Message me with, "Pam, you okay???" I'm absolutely fine. But I am at a jumping off point for something very new and exciting.  In essence, "this brother (sister) is free, I'll be what I want to be"

It's been a long time coming, but here it is, part out of necessity, part due to a jubilant spark.

Observe the Fool card above.  Little lady is walking right off that roof, but as happy as can be, replete with her shiny pocket book and necessities (we all need our fancy toiletries).  Like Deacon Blues and like Madge (because I shall hitherto refer to her as Madge) in the card, I'm taking a leap, moving into the new. A little scary, a lot exciting.

Folks, voice-over work alone no longer brings in enough mooolah to sustain. The business has become an icy shadow of its former self.  I have amazing skillz, folks, honed over 31 years in the biz, but I refuse to play the new game that new technology has thrown in our laps.  I will ALWAYS be a voice talent (so, agents and clients, you keep hiring me cuz I'm still very available), but it's time to climb up on the roof of that mid-century house and expand into the ether of Creativity and Spirituality Coaching, a world I'm very well-versed in, but need to bring on full force. And let us not forget my work with the Tarot.  Because Madge will NOT let me forget.

So kids, take a look at the tabs on this website.  Explore. Learn.  And contact me when you're ready to be like Madge.

A labor of love (filling the days)

I’m struggling to find a launching off point for this post. This is the one that seems to be tugging on my shirtsleeve the most:  I act more often than I direct because of the time commitment; I have a lot of plates spinning simultaneously in my world, a lot of disparate interests and energy demands.  With acting, you usually have a three-month commitment or less for rehearsal and performances.  You learn the lines and lyrics, blocking, your intentions, you character specificities, then off you go.  With directing, you’re creating a biosphere of life, light, movement, sound and emotionality. You’re often germinating your ideas for months and months.  You live with your concept, retool it, plant it, harvest it, sometimes crumple it up and go back to the drawing board, sometimes feel like a force bigger than you is in charge of the whole caboodle. You manage schedules, personalities, personality idiosyncrasies, big emotions, side glances, demands, time frames, and the occasional blind side. And, in the end, when you open that show, you have that beautiful biosphere in place and you know you’ve done all you can do and you let it fly and be free, knowing it will never return to you again as it now belongs to the world.

I’ve directed a number of shows, but I’ve never learned as many life lessons, felt as much contentment, and had my heart filled with love, awe, wonderful, ecstasy, and pure joy the way I’ve experienced with  my recent production of “Company”. It redefined for me just what “labor of love” really means.  Because whenever I got tense, uncertain, scared, or ticked off, I remembered I needed to approach each scintilla, each moment, each challenge, with love. Love filled the days, to paraphrase a line from the lyrics. From the audition process, where I insisted contacting each and every person personally who auditioned (because, dammit, actors are brave and their work should be recognized and respected, even if they’re not cast), to the rehearsal process , where I made sure actors deeply connected with each other because, well, the show IS called “company” for a reason, to making sure all crew members knew that what they were contributing mattered – I tried to always check myself and ask, “Am I coming from a place of love?” Because if I wasn’t, things fell apart or weren’t clear or defined, or simply the life drained right out onto the floor.

Was it a challenge for me?  Yep.  Because the inner critic shows up, whispering “you’re not doing this perfectly” in your ear. The “inner Eeyore” starts bemoaning, “Oh, it will NEVER come together”. The little gremlin of righteous indignation starts to stamp its little cloven hoof when met with various challenges and attitudes. I dealt with all three of them by meeting them at the gate and giving them some love, a hug, some gentleness.  And they eventually slinked away. Because love is the only antidote to their shenanigans. Was always coming from a place of love challenging or draining?  Sometimes.  But only when I fought it, when I allowed these three creeps to bully me. But love won in the end.  It always does.

And I feel the love was returned. Because that’s how energies often work. Those who came to see the show were moved, inspired, and grateful for the journey. The crew enjoyed themselves and the process. The musicians had a blast, coming dressed for theme nights for each performance. And that cast. The cast that brought to life that biosphere, gave it the beating heart and soul, they became closer than any other cast I’d ever worked with.

I’m on post-show withdrawal right now.  I tear up from time to time, knowing I won’t be seeing the cast emerge from the wings, populate the space, and create their beautiful, vibrant world. I likely won’t be able to listen to the cast recording without crying an ugly cry. But it was all worth it.

So, in short, I suggest meeting yourself at the gate before your next creative venture and ask, “Am I coming at this with love?” Because, if you aren’t, why bother with it in the first place? But if you are, it will be a triumph (this show most definitely was), no matter the number of tickets sold, no matter the response, no matter the inevitable “but I wanted it THIS way”s. It will be perfect. And you will have the memory of that little brilliant jewel of a production/process/creation in your heart for all your days. 

That love.  And that’s what it’s really about, isn’t it?

11:11 and a little gift from Mom

With Mother's Day upon us, those of us who no longer share time with our Moms on the physical plane are faced with displays of cards we don't send, ads for flowers we don't whip into a bouquet, visits to gift and whatnot shops where we stroll through aisles of candles, scarves, jewelry we don't meticulously pick out and wrap up as a special little something for Her Day.

But the thing that is worse than all that, is that we just don't get to say, "I love you, Mom".  We don't get to touch her, to kiss her, to hug her, to feel her warmth and hear her voice say, "Thanks, Best Pal".

But, on occasion, she still reminds you of her never-ending connection with you.

I hopped into my car this morning to take Ivy (our dainty beaglette) to the sitters and run a bunch of errands. Upon turning on the car, I saw the clock on the dash read "11:11".  Now, anyone who follows numerology knows that 11 is a Master Number, and that double Master Numbers are often a sign of angelic intervention.  I then got a really strong feeling to turn on the radio.  No, more of an order, loudly and clearly stated in my mind's ear.

So I turned on the radio and what was playing was this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iAzMRKFX3c

Bette Midler's iconic song, "Wind Beneath My Wings" was THE song that I would equate with how I felt about my Mom, especially in her last days, battling skin cancer. She supported me, held me, fostered a safe place in the world for me.  She was my hero in that, when she was strong, she was unstoppable.  She also taught me that depression need not render you helpless - sadly, not by example, but due to the fact that she often succumbed to the disease; I saw how it immobilized her and I knew she wanted something better for me.

I love you, Mom. Thank you for your undying love, support, and encouragement.