Monday is Tarot Day. A new perspective.

See this guy?  That's pretty much how I've been feeling as of late.  When you look at him, what comes up for you?  The dude's upside-down, but looks relatively calm.  He's hanging, but not by his neck, but by his ankle - and his other foot is rather nonchalantly crossed behind it.  We can't tell if his hands are bound, or if he's merely holding them back behind him cuz it feels comfortable.  Oh, and he has a halo.  Which tells me that he's either been canonized (which wouldn't happen until after he's dead and he looks very much alive) or he's received some sort of enlightenment.

With so much going on about my dad, I've been feeling bound in many ways: bound by worry, by schedules packed and seemingly erratic.  Bound by memories of how my dad used to be or should be.

At the same time, I've attained a certain degree of enlightenment about his condition.  I've learned that congestive heart failure causes a patient to have very mercurial patterns of alertness, blood pressure, appetite, and cognition. 

A change of perspective is required here.  Time to zen out and look at the whole situation in a different way.  So I can look at my dad and think, "He'll never be able to feed himself again" or "He's on some other planet right now".  Or can I look at it differently and think, "Wow - he's come a long way in three weeks" or "What lessons in patience he's given us all" or even "I must grab hold of each precious moment I'm able to have with him".

My dad's condition is still a mystery.  The doctors are now wiping his medicinal slate clean, and slowly reintroducing pills and monitoring amounts very carefully, so he doesn't slip back into semi-consciousness.  And, to confuse things even more, this Saturday he was absolutely back to normal - even better than he was in early February; able to play games and carry on long conversations.

The Hanged Man is one of those tarot cards that people can't completely put their finger on, in terms of definition.  And I think that's the best way to think of it.  A mystery, wrapped in an enigma, but one that you should take some time to simply breathe with, look at from different directions, trusting that true enlightenment will come to those who are patient and allow themselves to "be".

It's as if Dad has already attained the golden halo.  We just need to slow down long enough to see it.